Sure, you can double-jump, ground pound, glide across gaps using a pizza box, attack with your bubble wand, and sometimes activate context-sensitive prompts to do special things like karate kick enemies or swing on a fishing line, but that toolbox is extremely light and never puts you into situations – mandatory or optional – that require a mastery over any of these skills. Dreadfully simplistic jumping puzzles and combat against the same handful of enemies who posed absolutely no challenge wore thin quickly. In one of the dullest platformers in recent memory, Cosmic Shake serves up a recipe that’s almost identical to that of its predecessor and had me nodding off as I played. It’s been almost 20 years since the release of SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom – and just over two since the “Rehydrated” remaster reminded us of how poorly that game’s mechanics have aged – and it’s shocking how little that formula has evolved for this followup. That’s what makes it a massive bummer that Cosmic Shake falls so woefully short when it comes to actual gameplay. It's shocking how little the formula has been changed. It’s even got an amazing loading screen where that classic French voice says “one hour later,” and those way-too-detailed closeup images of characters that gross you out, both of which are fantastic nods to the show. Similarly, all the realms you visit along the way are such colorful and vibrantly cartoonish reimaginings of the world of SpongeBob and friends. Krabs as a western bandito or Pearl as a medieval fantasy princess, and the resulting hijinks felt very much like it was straight out of a long-lost episode of the show. Krabs, most of whom have more than a few amusing lines or gags that they’re a part of. That nostalgic indulgence is helped greatly by the appearance of so many recognizable characters – voiced by their original voice actors – including SpongeBob, Patrick, Pearl, The Flying Dutchman, and Mr. Read the full SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom - Rehydrated review. There are bright spots that remain fun almost two decades later, and there are pops of ingenuity in its reworking, but it does little to stand alongside the best, or even the pretty good, platformer remakes and remasters we’ve seen this generation. Rather than addressing any of the real issues with Battle for Bikini Bottom that could have been tweaked without ruining the spirit of the original, it leaves history intact at the cost of making this a better game – and its problems have only become more noticeable with age and increased competition. Rehydrated’s revisit of the iconic SpongeBob platformer often does just that. SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom - Rehydrated makes an argument that, if you’re going to remake something beloved, it’s not worth taking any half-measures. What little plot follows is basically just a thinly veiled excuse to revisit memorable SpongeBob episodes, whether you’re running around the prehistoric version of Bikini Bottom or the creepy depths of Rock Bottom, which is a nice trip down memory lane but not exactly an original or memorable SpongeBob tale that can stand on its own. Determined to put things right, SpongeBob and a newly transformed balloon version of Patrick begin hopping through portals and fighting samey jelly monsters in search of their friends. So although Cosmic Shake does benefit from the quirky SpongeBob characters and their world, as a platformer it’s a terribly bland journey that feels painfully frozen in time even as the fans of the show have continued to age (also painfully).Īs I’ve come to expect from this delightful sponge, the story begins when he makes a series of extremely ill-advised decisions which cause the very fabric of Bikini Bottom to be torn apart at the seams. And yet, like a collapsing Squidward Souffle, SpongeBob SquarePants: The Cosmic Shake dried up my optimism the more I played: it’s merely a thin, by-the-numbers sequel to the 20-year-old Bikini Bottom rather than the ground-up redesign that absorbs the progress genre heroes like Mario or Ratchet and Clank have made in the decades since that we deserve. While 2003’s SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom proved it could be done, we’ve been in dire need of a modern take on that idea starring everyone’s favorite fry cook. Through it all, the porous goofball I’ve known for years feels like the perfect mascot for an over-the-top, cartoonish platformer. Whether I’m enjoying my favorite memes or going back to rewatch one of the only cartoons I still legitimately laugh at as an adult, it’s hard to understate SpongeBob SquarePants’ influence on my life.
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